What is Wrong with Me

1 Samuel 1:1-3

There was a man from Ramathaim-Zophim in the hill country of Ephraim. His name was Elkanah son of Jeroham, son of Elihu, son of Tohu, son of Zuph, and Ephraimite. He had two wives, the first named Hannah and the second Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah was childless. This man would go up from his town every year to worship and to sacrifice to the LORD of Hosts at Shiloh, where Eli’s two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, were the LORD’s priests.

While these verses begin a story, they also tell us much about this man, Eli. He was a godly man who honored the LORD. Eli lived geographically as an Ephraimite, but genealogically, he was a Levite, which explains why his sons were priests. His first wife, Hannah, had no children. Since Eli was a godly man, the social stigma for Hannah would have been very difficult. What was wrong with her? Why could she have no children?

The fact that there was a second wife brings questions. Did Eli take another wife in order to have children? Would he have ever married Peninnah if Hannah had sons? Society would have seen Peninnah as the better woman, and later verses reveal she thought so, as well. We can easily see how Hannah would have led a miserable life as a barren woman and wife of a godly, respectable man. Her confidence and self-worth could easily have been shattered with a fruitful and haughty second wife with whom she tolerated daily.

“What is wrong with me?” Hannah must have asked herself this question a multitude of times, and many of us have, too. Just why can’t we do or have the things that come so easily for others? Why does everything I touch seem to fall apart? Why can I not accomplish my dreams? If we find ourselves asking these questions, we are looking at ourselves and not to God. Somehow, we think the answer to getting what we want lies within, and achieving the difficult things will prove us a better person.  Our hope is found by turning to God in complete dependence upon His grace to accomplish what we cannot for ourselves. Instead of seeing how imperfect and ineffective we are, we need to see how great and mighty our God is. We need to look in a new direction.

Consider the places in your life where you feel you aren’t reaching your full potential, and turn them over to God. This is His work in you, and you are woman enough to do whatever He has called you to do. You will not be a better person if you can achieve more. You will become a better person by surrendering your life fully to God and submitting to His plan. When you do, He will work in you and through you. You don’t need to prove anything to Him or to anyone else. Just bring Him your void, and trust that He will fill it. 

Have a blessed day!