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Unrealistic Demands Block Happiness

Genesis 30:1

When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she envied her sister. “Give me sons, or I will die!” she said to Jacob.

Rachel experienced her own battle with identity. As the loved wife of Jacob, she could not produce children as her older, less attractive, and unloved sister did for Jacob. No longer able to depend upon her beauty to maintain Jacob’s love, Leah now posed a threat to Rachel’s position as the favored wife. If she could not have children, she feared she would become the “lesser” woman, and she was accustomed to having first place.

In desperation Rachel demanded sons from Jacob. She looked to him to fill her void and settle the issue of identity for her. If he would not give her what she wanted, she could not be happy and would die. Jacob could not assume responsibility for Rachel’s infertility because he had no authority over it. God had closed her womb, and only God could open it. Instead of endearing Jacob to herself, she made him angry by trying to place blame and responsibility upon him that was not his to carry.

What Rachel failed to realize was that God had favored Leah because He saw she was unloved. Her father’s trickery had landed her in a position as the unwanted wife, and Rachel had Jacob’s full attention. Although a wife, Leah might as well have been a slave in that household. God took pity upon her and decided to open her womb so she could bear children and have love in her life. Rachel needed to humble herself before God and cry out to him. Instead, she chose to make unrealistic demands upon her husband, which drove a wedge in their relationship.

When we place unrealistic demands upon people in order to make us happy or to solidify our identity, we stand to damage those relationships and jeopardize the very thing we hope to obtain. People cannot make you happy, nor is it anyone else’s responsibility to make you happy. You choose to be happy. Even when everything is going well, some people just can’t be happy because they don’t know how to be. Happiness is a choice and not a state of being. No one else is responsible for establishing your identity. You must learn who you are in Christ and discover your God-given purpose. You cannot demand identity from someone else or be someone God has not created you to be. God will reveal His creative will for you in due season, and He may choose to give you one piece at a time instead of uncovering the whole thing at once. Seek Him daily to discover what He has just for you.

The void in your life does not determine your identity. God gave you gifts and talents to be used for His purpose, and He wants you to use them. If He has gifted you with talent to sing, He expects you to sing for Him. If He has not given you the talent to sing, you are doing yourself more harm than if you insist upon singing because you like the limelight. Find a place to serve where your gifts can shine, and give God what you have. God will multiply what He has put in you and reveal your identity to you. Happiness is a choice that requires acceptance of your weaknesses, use of your strengths, and faith for God to fill the void.

Have a blessed day!

PHOEBE Connections, Inc. is a 501(c)3 dedicated to enhancing the lives of widows by building relationships and helping them find new identity in Jesus Christ through serving others. We promote an atmosphere of fellowship, where the widow can connect with other widows to develop friendships and supportive relationships.